As August begins I'm sitting at the computer, missing waking up to relatively cool, humidity-free mornings. I miss the short walks before breakfast and the way the sun would wake me up early. What is to be expected, though? I live in the south, where the humidity is that part of summer that we all have to expect, but still can't help but complain about. No matter one's politics, religion, or lifestyle, we all find common ground on our disdain for the oppressive humidity.
Please don't get me wrong, if there is one thing that I've learned over the past few years, it's that, with all of its flaws, I love the place that I live. Coming back from France was as much a welcome thing as it was unwanted. However, I knew once I got back, humidity aside, things were going to start moving non-stop.
Since being back I have settled into a routine that is not much different than the one I have had for the past year and a half. I find myself getting coffee in the morning and sitting behind my computer editing work. There is a difference, though, from the previous summer days. Although I'm still inside enjoying the cool air that counters the hot, humid southern summer, I have a focus that is more on point.
I have to laugh, though. Although I will stand by the fact that I have more focus on my goals and how to better achieve them, I'm still apt to make mistakes. I am human and FAR from perfect. In a week I have managed to make mistakes that were not only steps in the wrong direction, but also seemed to have an effect on me personally. I think the right description would be gut-wrenching.
I won't go into detail about the mistakes I made, they're not that important. What is important, though, is what happened after they were made. As I've alluded to in the past, my confidence can be a real pain in the ass sometimes; I balance on the edge of infinite and sub-zero. However, I had a nice little boost of confidence and let it get the best of me. I tried to do too much at once and it came back to bite me. There is a silver lining, though. There always is.
A good friend of mine asked me the other day if there was something specific that I got out of my trip to France. The answer I gave was not so much an omission of the truth as it was just not putting all my pieces together in a relaxed conversation. I said that it was basically getting the road-map I needed to get closer to the personal goals that I had. What I didn't realize, but do now, is that I actually did gain a larger boost of confidence than I realized. However, this confidence isn't the type that most of us think about when we see or think about the term.
The confidence that I gained was not only that which would help me to push myself harder, but also the confidence to not just admit my mistakes, but to learn from them. This sounds simple, and I think we all feel that we try to do so, but this was different. I finally was able to take something that seemed crushing to me, something I felt so bad about that I didn't mention it to anyone else, and looked at what went wrong and how to fix it. It wasn't easy, it took some deep thought and introspection to pull a positive out of it, but in the end I feel better than I did before making my misstep. I not only learned, but made the situation better.
To wrap up this little bit of rambling, we all have these moments. We get caught up in the excitement of something and forget to check ourselves. The mistakes won't always be made, but when they are, don't just realize what you did. Look at what happened and ask yourself "why?". After that, not only see if you can fix the why, but see if there is something you can derive from the situation to make everything else in life, or whatever is related to the issue, run smoother. You'd be surprised what you figure out.
August has started out in its usual way for this area. It's hot, it's humid, and we are all complaining about it. I, however, at least have something to be grateful for. I make mistakes, I learn from them, and I make things better through what I've learned. Hopefully this will be a continuing thing, because I know there are more mistakes to be made in the future.